In love with the idea of being in love

I'm in love! 

Well, I'm in love with the idea of being in love.

I've been searching, seeking, pinning for 'the one'.
I've been swiping left and right, playing guessing games of eenie, minee, mo.

Is he the one? No. Is he the one? Not even close.

Where is my Boaz? Where's my king David? 

He's not perfect, he sometimes cusses, I didn't like the pattern of his breathing,

Oh please, If Jesus himself asked me out even I wouldn't date him. 

I like bad boys, 

you know the ones.

With eyes on me,
this purified virgin
one in a million.
They smile and say
hey
let's go on a date.
Hoping I'll say yes
they seek me out as their goddess.
Their idol of worship
to occupy their emptiness.

But I don't need them or their compliments or kisses or hugs.

The truth is I'm already in love with the idea of being in love.

To my future husband, I'd write letters

dreaming of him and I together.

Thinking I could pray him to me

believing I could jinks God's timing.

In my heart I was building

creating an idol of my own

made from pure ego

and the idea of being in love.

My idol began to build and build

higher and higher

along with my foolish love desire.

This idol i've created
in all my dating waiting
crowned me miss pageant purity
praying for my sparkly wedding ring
spitefully demanding that God owed me.

"I'll read my bible
I won't party
I'll be the first abstinent barbie
locked in a box
kept fresh and untouched.
Just one thing that I want in return"
this one thing I kept trying to earn.
"I'll wait
I won't date
But God you must promise to give me my soul mate,
prince charming, riding on a white horse, armor shining."
What was I thinking?
That my perfect record could earn me blessings?

But I don't really need a future husband at this point.

The truth is I'm too in love with the idea of being in love.

And as I continued down this spiral staircase of desire,
My heart began to weaken
and my seeking, searching, pinning for 'the one',
began to deceive me.
I had built a golden calf I called 'purity'
that was beginning to defile my inner being.

Even this can't complete me.
Even this can't fulfill me.
Even this idea of being in love will never truly satisfy my every dream.

What I really need goes beyond my desire to find romance and 'the one',
God, I must be more in love with you than the idea of being in love.

And with that declared the golden idol began to melt
Along with every fear of relationships I've ever felt.

Oh God, I'm more in love with you than the idea of being in love.

I surrender every idea of a man that I've ever dreamed up.

I give you my foolish hopes and imaginations.

My 

white picket fence,

My

Tall, dark, handsome and french,

My 

picture perfect man.

But even when that one has found me,

Even when I'm old and married

That doesn't change a thing

Thats not the purpose of the ring.

Darling, don't get me wrong, our love will be grand

but, there's just got to be more than walking hand in hand.

A greater purpose

for 

His glory

for 

His perfecting

Beyond our love for each other 

to be more in love with him than any other.

Oh, God, I'm more in love with you than the idea of being in love.

How wonderful you trust me,

enough to entrust me

with earthly relationships

with someone to share YOUR love with.

You trust me

not to make him an idol

You trust me 

not to act like a child.

Oh, God, oh how I'm so in love with you,

I'll keep seeking, searching, pinning for more of you.

You complete me.

You fill me up.

Oh, God, I'm more in love with you than the idea of being in love.