One thing remains the same

Today was my last day as a full time nanny for Katarina. 

It has been two incredible years since I first met this girl that has turned my world inside out.

This thing I called my job- and most people called it babysitting- was not really a job at all.

I got paid to dance, play hide and go seek, tickle the baby and make smiley pancakes.

I got paid to learn to love- be patient, never yell, laugh at messes and celebrate potty time.

I got paid to be a substitute mom- to live someone else's life. This was not a babysitting gig- it was a life changing journey. 

I know all the mom's out there are wishing they got paid for running their household or maybe even more so wishing they had the leisure to give the kid back after 5:30 every day when you're wiped.

But no matter how hard it gets or how many times you clean the same mess up twice- there is something about a baby that makes it all worth it.

I believe babies have the power to awaken the eternity that is hidden in the heart of man. To bring them to their knees by the power of love- to glorify something greater than themselves.

God used this little munchkin to teach me one thing: love. 

I learned that love is patient when frustration sounds so much more fulfilling. I learned that love is sometimes quiet in words and loud in obedience. Love is multi dimensional. Love requires multiple perspective. I learned that love does not cheat- it is not unfaithful and it is not idle or timid. Love does not lie. Love proves itself with immediate action. Love speaks. Love does not betray. I learned that marriage is nothing without love. Love does not sleep on the couch. Love does not move out. Love does not separate. Love does not divorce. Love cannot exist where unforgiveness resides. Love wakes up early. Love stays up late. Love makes smiley pancakes even for lunch.

Everything else may pass away- but one thing remains the same- love.

When I was 14 I cared for a 6 month old baby girl at a local orphanage. I loved her so much I wanted her to be mine. After a few months I had to discontinue my volunteer hours at the orphanage and I never saw her again. It hurt so bad to miss her and not be able to give her my love. But God promised to give me a baby to love.

Two years ago God fulfilled His promise and handed me a breath of eternity and entrusted me to care for her. 

She was freshly made, only 6 weeks old when we met.

I didn't love her instantly, because she wasn't mine, but every day my heart gave in and I slowly grew to love.

And now- she's my snuggle bunny, munchkin, punkin pie and I love her more and more every day.

I have been so incredibly blessed. God is awesome! 

My eyes are set on the greater things that are yet to come. It is the dawning of a new season. Places to go, people to pray for, needs to meet and always- more babies to love.

Let me tell you.

let me tell you about you,

not what you are or what you do.

i'm going to tell you about the who in you,

believe me or not, you know it's true.

close your eyes,

listen awhile,

let me tell you about you

you're a masterpiece, a work of art,

you're a giant of faith with a marshmallow heart.

are you listening, can you see it too?

let me tell you more about you.

you see, i can see, not just who you are, but who you're meant to be.
you were made for amazing things.
you were made for me.
but more so, you were made for all the world to see.
let me tell you more about who you're meant to be.


you're meant to be a risk taker,
you're meant to be a peace maker,
you're meant to be a world changer,
you're meant to be fearless when you're most afraid.
you're meant to yell at the top of your lungs, declaring your heart out in boldness and love.
you're meant to love.
you're meant to be loved by me,
the one who can tell you who you're meant to be.


let me tell you one more thing,
you are brilliant.
you are smart.
you're resilient.
you're going to make it and be,
your purposed creation and destiny.


let me tell you about you,
you're not what you are or what you do.
you're who you're meant to be.
be it, lead the world, set them free.

Liking you.

I LOVE everyone...but I'm so in like with you. I so like you, i really do.
I love you more because i like you, and i like the way i like you and the way you love me too.

Love is easy to do and it is easy to say.
I don't know if you like me, but either way,
I like you and don't ever want you to change.

Liking you makes me laugh and write poetry-
Makes me want to dance and sing you to me.
It doesn't change anything cause i'm not silly.
And it's free to go away if it's not meant to be.



I haven't said a thing,
Even though you could be mine,
My liking is quiet and discreet.
It's thoughtful and smiley,
It's simple and sweet.

There's so many reason, I could go on forever.
I'm just liking what I hear, what I see, what I love about you, you, you-
The one i like to like.

So don't worry about it,
It will happen,
However,
Whenever,
With whomever-
All I know is- friend to friend- i really like you.

Words aren't enough.

imposters.

i am undeserving of your love...and.you are just as unworthy of my care. but what is love if it is to deserve? what is love if it is to be fair? must i be the one to redeem your lonely heart? lest you carry my burdens and my damaged soul, on this heavy cross. lest we save each other, from this love of wars. though you are pure. though you are exceptionally divine. 


i am not your savior. neither you are mine.

When it gives all that it's got.

                   

I've got this ♥ sometimes I don't know what to do with.
Should I give it free will?
or forget it ever could feel?
I can't decide or make up my mind,
if feeling is actually worth the while,
if the consequences of this ♥ is really worth the cause.
Yet even when i'm so aware
my ♥ seems to live a life of its own- 
uncontrollably loving-
and when it doesn't get what it wants-
painfully shunning.
And when it gives all that it's got,
hoping to be filled with a love from another ♥
When it's so ready to be wanted,
blinded, with closed eyes, to my ♥ 's surprise
it stops. 
Oh, that ♥ was nothing but vain.
how can love be after gain?
what is my ♥ left to remain?
let not my love be in vain.
When it gives all that it's got,
wishing to be filled with a love from another ♥
no matter how hard it fought.
What do I do with this ♥?